What I, An Introvert, Hate About Social Distancing

Written for the #quarantinefiction memoirs from forgefiction.com

https://forgefiction.com/book/quarantinefiction---memoirs-143Pt0/read/what-i-an-introvert-hate-about-social-distancing-3nCHHd

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With everyone needing to stay at home as much as they can, it is hard not wishing things were back to normal. I did not expect this entire thing, and my spring and summer plans are now on hold (along with everyone else's plans).

On a normal day, when we are not under a global emergency, I can usually be found inside. In my house, usually in my room, by myself. Reading a book, writing something, wasting my time on the internet. The usual antisocial things.

That's just what I like. When I'm not in class, out with family, or running errands I just like being by myself. I am perfectly content to do things on my own. Yes, I am social and have friends and text them and go out with them on occasion, but most of the time the things I like to do are things I can do alone.

I prefer to do most things on my own. Preferring to avoid busy areas, working out at home on my own, and loathing group projects. I guess I'm just more of an independent person. Now, I'm not a total hermit and antisocial vampire who never leaves her house, but sometimes I have days where that is all I want.

But now that I am not able to go outside and interact with others, I want to.

It is the little things I miss. Things that I did not realize I needed until they became off limits. I can't go clothes shopping anymore, I can't sit in a coffee shop and drink my caffeine fix in peace, I can't go to the movies and see the next Marvel movie, I can't go to the library and borrow books. Tiny things that I took for granted, things of normal life, are gone right now. And I want them back now more than ever.

Being an introvert, you would expect me to be okay staying home all day. And most days during the isolation I am okay. There are some things that I am enjoying about it. I get to hang out with my family more, I have the opportunity to take my classes online and take it at my own pace, I can finally deep clean my room. I have all the time in the world.

Sometimes all that time, you don't know what to do with it. It is too much, more than you ever had.

You get bored.

I have things to do: books to read, spaces to tidy, recipes to make, ideas to write. But you get bored doing the same things over and over again. Every day is the same thing. Weekdays and weekends look the same in an endless loop of boredom.

You crave something new.

So you miss going outside. You miss going to class. You miss going shopping and eating out and hanging with friends and discovering new places.

You miss being free.

That is what I hate about all this, we lost our freedom.

We lost of freedom to go and do what we desire. Exploring the world, hanging out with friends, going out to try new things, discovering what you are capable of. We can't do that right now. The world just stopped. We're trapped in this reality of fear and stress and uncertainty. And we don't know what to do.

It is not about being an introvert, someone who can be alone and be satisfied with it, its about being human.

I'm human, I want to have extroverted qualities sometimes. And that ability was taken away and there is no telling when the freedom will be back. Doing the same thing everyday is not healthy, and it is hard to find new things to do while its just you and the people you live with.

Even for the introverts, it is tough.

I miss meeting up with my friends and doing stupid things. I miss physically going to class and getting direct lectures, even with the possibility of being called on to answer a question. I miss having that awkward interaction when I stumble over my words during my coffee order.

Just because I prefer being alone and being at home most of the time, doesn't mean that I don't want to break away from that sometimes.

Especially with summer around the corner, this is depressing. All my summer plans are gone. I wanted to start working, to start saving up to pay off my tuition. I wanted to start taking dance classes again, since I took a break to focus on my university studies. I wanted to go to the beach and go camping with my family and go swimming and do other summer actives. I wanted to spend my 19th birthday with my friends, stepping closer to being a real adult.

I feels like the sunny days ahead will not be so sunny.

But all I can do right now is try and be satisfied with what I have. All I can do is contribute to keeping other safe, and staying safe myself.

I know I can do it, I can survive. I just have to find some light during this dark time.