Speed Dial: The (Sad and Unhealthy) Need to Have My Phone on Me
- Rose Renaud
- Apr 19, 2020
- 8 min read
Note: This is an entry I wrote for one of my university classes
I am not proud of this aspect that has become part of my life. I have developed a separation anxiety associated with my phone. I get nervous when I don't know where it is. There is this constant need to know where it is. I need to have access to it, have it on ‘speed dial’. Many people also experience similar feelings (some have it even worse than I do that may link to mental health struggles). In this digital age, I am not surprised that this is an actual thing exists, but I never would have thought something like it would happen to me.
I honestly think that I have a healthier relationship with technology now than I had a few years ago, also healthier compared to the average person. I no longer spend hours scrolling through Instagram and watch hours upon hours of Youtube videos in one sitting. Most of my teach use assists me with other things in life like schoolwork, tracking my life and habits, and keeping safe (further detail will be given later on about necessary tech usage). I now read more books and do more physical activity than I spend doing mindless things on my phone. But when I did notice this unconscious need to have my phone in close proximity to me, I started to question my healthy relationship with technology.
The constant battle between wondering whether technology is advancing humanity, or it is leading to its downfall, is never really going to stop. There are plenty of good arguments for both sides of positive and negative; it can help us with providing information, but it can also put our privacy at risk. One big negative issue I have noticed with today’s tech is that it is impacting us from a psychological standpoint. People can be so addicted to their tech. Yes we need it for everyday things now, but there are things that are unnecessary that commonly spiral into bad habits. People can be so influenced by technology and social media, which can result in directly impacting mental health. This thought has led me to noticing my own behavior and finally accepting that I have a weird feeling to always know where my phone is.
So, I asked myself, why? Why do I need to know where it is? Why am I afraid to lose my phone? There’s a simple yet complex answer: because it is valuable to me. Why has it become valuable to me? I have come to a few conclusions on why this might be and where it might have started from. There are many layers to my answer of value, involving my own mental health, the role tech has played in my life, the reputation of tech, and the nature of humanity in this technology run modern day.
One: I have always had technology with me. I basically grew up during the rise of modern tech. Some of the earliest memories I have that involve technology is that I have always played video games, from the very first Playstation when I was very young to today’s Xbox One. This includes every advancement in between. I played a lot of PC games as well (with the same results, while growing up and still play today). Things evolved from there, I watched the rise of Apple and when I was in the sixth grade, I got an iPod touch for Christmas. At sixteen years old I got my first phone. I saw the growth of social media and the popularity of internet culture strengthen. In school we learned how to use computers and how to make websites and how to use technology to advance your learning. I literally grew up while technology was growing up, it was always beside me. It is not going to stop either. It will be a part of my dream job, writing, so it will always be part of my life as I reach for that. If something that has always been there was suddenly gone, that makes a big impact. The sudden removal of technology in my life would change a lot (which relates to the next answer).
Two: It is part of everyday life now. This unhealthy habit of sometimes using tech for maximum five hours a day (bad, I know) should be dealt with, but that is hard when we need it for everyday things now. All the exposure we get from it makes it harder to put down. The things I use my phone for in a typical day keep me organized, social, and sane. I use it to keep connected with my friends and family; both important (updating my parents or staying close with friends who live far way) and completely unnecessary (like group chats full of memes and dumb discussions). My phone helps me keep up with punctuality and scheduling: waking me up in the morning, task reminders of schoolwork, writing down quick notes, and maps and bus schedules. The thing I use my phone the most for however is entertainment (like every other young adult nowadays). I listen to music on Spotify when I am doing almost anything: on a commute, doing homework, to calm down or cheer up, doing chores around the house, organizing my space, and exercising. I also watch a lot of Youtube, videos that simply entertain or teach me something or fuel my creative mind. I also use it to listen to audiobooks when I need some motivation to read (audiobooks help me ease into a book while I’m busy or just do not feel like reading). All these things that are involved in an ordinary day in my life have become routine, even if I am a little ashamed to admit it. But without routine or familiarity or comfort or security, I get anxious sometimes. Being without tech would defiantly cause a little disruption in my life that I try so hard to organized, change sometimes makes me feel unsafe.
Three: I hate losing things. I am always scared that I will lose things, the worry is often in the back of my brain. Again, disruption in my ‘ordinary’ makes me uneasy. Whenever I go out somewhere, I always check what I have left the house with. But every five to ten minutes or so, I look in my bag to check again. This happens over the course of my time out of the house, security only coming back to me when I have confirmed (once again) that I have not dropped anything or that no one has swiped something from me. This little habit I have is a tiny bit obsessive, but I never have thought anything of it until recently. But the though of someone stealing or me misplacing my phone is worse than simply losing a tube of Chapstick. Along side my wallet and keys, my phone has a purpose and it cannot serve its purpose when I lose it. It is expensive to replace too, and I would rather not have to replace it. Losing your ‘valuables’ can be an anxiety inducing experience and I would rather not have to deal with that experience. Once I dropped my Compass card at the SkyTrain station and had a small panic attack. I would rather not be in a position where it was my phone, that would be a worse panic attack.
Four: Personal attachment. Something that you own and that you consider as yours does come with attachment. With my phone, it has a lot of personal things on it that I am attached to. For example, all the photos I have taken over the years are on there, memories that come with personal attachment. Us as humans have developed materialistic needs and the desire to want things, so having a personal attachment to your phone is not so absurd now. It is strange to think about that we can be so attached to buying new things and showing them off, when at the end of the day it is just stuff. Stuff that may not matter when the world is ending or will simply be forgotten in one hundred years. Humans cannot simply shake this, however. The norm now is that if you have cool stuff, you are considered cool. The idea that having objects gives people status seems strange but it has been around for so long. Showing off riches with fine jewelry or massive houses or luxurious parties. Now, always having the next big phone or any tech that has just came out can give that status, that you are keeping up with the trends, and you are not missing out. In turn, you become attached to this idea and attached to these items. The relation of materialism and owning a phone leads to the next answer.
Five: The idea that you ‘need’ a phone and FOMO (fear of missing out). Along with growing up with tech comes with the idea that having cool gear makes you cool. Between the end of Elementary school and the beginning of high school, there was pressure for me to be like everyone else and have a phone. I felt like I was missing out on so much until I got my first personal tech item (my iPod Touch 4). Once I was on this bandwagon of having personal tech at your fingertips, it felt like I was finally part of the crowd. Especially in high school, this idea was important. People who did not have a phone were often told ‘oh that’s sad’. Once social media was thrown into the mix, the need to follow along with everyone else exploded, you needed to have an Instagram so everyone can see how cool your life is or you need Snapchat to keep streaks with your friends. It is simple, have tech and let people know you have it. Let people know how awesome your life is because you have tech. The fear of missing out sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it is a real fear. Sometimes I feel like I need to check in with my friends over what they have posted and see the amazing lives they are living, while mine is boring because I did not update recently. Losing your phone means that you do not have access to social media, and you cannot quickly contact your friends or post a new pic or see the meme your friend just sent you. For me this is not such a big factor in my own worry of losing my phone, but it is something social media fanatics experience.
With all of that said, the worrying thoughts of misplacing my phone does make sense. But I feel like I could go without my phone for a few hours or even a whole day if I knew it was in a safe place. I’m not the type of person who needs to update their social media status every second or be on my phone to avoid the real world. I am trying really hard to leave my phone alone for most of the day now, instead using my time to read or write or organize or exercise. For some people however, it is not that easy. They have a harder time when they are away from their phone, sometimes to the point where not having it for a short period of time triggers psychological effects, impacting their metal state. I’m thankful that I myself do not fall into the category of it being a severe problem. However, I do have to have my phone on ‘speed dial’ for most of my day, and when I don’t have it for the things I need it for I can be overcome with some worry. Hopefully I can maintain a healthy relationship with my phone and technology attachments and use it for the things that really matter. In the end, most of my worries come from the change in the ordinary. If I were to lose my phone, chaos would ensue. Because I need that security and order in my life that it has given me. I love organization and being on top of everything in life gives me satisfaction (whenever I manage it). The disruption in my schedule or lack of a way to call for help (if needed) would make me feel anxious. When I need it, I will use it. But when I do not, then it is easy to keep it way. As long it is there for me, I am all good.
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